The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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