Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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