He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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