quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
