Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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