I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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