And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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