did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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