I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He felt like a one man threesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
