There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
