He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i've created a new STD.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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