i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
