i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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