So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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