Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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