Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
