I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
