I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
