I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
