I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
