His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
