fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
