i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
