So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
