It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
