It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
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You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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