Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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