The maid of honor just puked.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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