Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
