I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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