Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
