oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
