I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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