Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can text with my tongue
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
