i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
