i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
