sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
