I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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