No stitches, just platelets and will power
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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