I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
