just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
