we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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