just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
