Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
