He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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