It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
