I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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