in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
