i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
