I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
