your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
