everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So much rum. So many feels.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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