I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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