All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
