i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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