I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
