We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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