This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
