I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
