Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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